we're after the same rainbow

Hello there,

It is day three of my holidays, gloomy and raining outside, and I am happier than a pig in mud. I adore the weather when it is overcast; I have never been a sunshine girl (both in personality and weather preferences).

My achievements so far have been making oatmeal and coffee for breakfast, taking my daily vitamins (at the moment I am taking magnesium, silicia supplements, Vitamin B and fish oils- I always take fish oils) watching "Breakfast At Tiffany's" which I love, applying a clay face mask (waiting for it to dry as I type) and lounging around in my silk pyjamas. Sometimes in the holidays I get nervous and agitated spending time on my own, but today I am just fine.

Also, exciting news! My boyfriend just booked us a holiday to New Zealand for January, which should be amazing (we only just got back from our Fiji holiday at the beginning of July! It has been a very indulgent year, holiday-wise). I want to swim with dolphins, perhaps go skydiving (again), visit the Auckland Zoo, go on a wine-tasting tour, and lounge around in the hotel room drinking champagne with him, because he is the most fun person I have ever met.

Now perhaps I will bake some muffins, make a raw egg smoothie for lunch, and maybe actually take a shower and clean myself. Ah, holidays.

Bye darlings.

top of the heap

Hey babies,

So I have decided that  I am tired of being so busy and stressed, and crying at the drop of a hat, and being pushed around, and not taking the time to actually enjoy the good things in my life. So I am taking action.

Sick of instant coffee, I yesterday purchased a coffee plunger and this morning enjoyed fresh vanilla coffee straight from the pot. Instead of buying greasy takeaway noodles from the city for dinner last week, I took three hours (although it probably would have taken a proficient cook maybe half that time) to prepare and cook a beef casserole in my French cast iron pot, and ate it with some nice crusty bread and red wine. I have started wearing silk nightgowns that feel nice on my skin and having long steamy baths.

Some things are worth doing slowly.

i know it's been coming for some time

Hey guys,

Just a baby blog entry today as I am about to make some lunch, a cup of tea, and drive to school. I have a lot of homework that I haven't done but I am having a lot of trouble focusing. I get distracted very easily.

Oh, hey little Toto! Jumping up on my leg while I am trying to read stuff on my computer! Oh, you are so cute, you want to play with your stuffed animal? You look hungry, I'll get you some food! What's that, you want to lie in bed and watch five back-to-back episodes of "Grey's Anatomy"? All right, we can do that if we really must.

it feels so empty without me

Why hello there,

I am back from a relaxing weekend at the beach with my boyfriend, his brother, and his cousin. Delightfully testosterone-filled, a lot of wrestling, beer, and barbequed meat. We even had a high-stakes poker game.

It was pretty much exactly what I needed. I love to swim in the ocean when I can, even though it was really grey, bleak weather and I was shivering before we even got in the water. And the ocean appeared to have vomited up every last sprig of seaweed just to deposit it on this particular beach. Seaweed really freaks me out, and when I got in the shower later that day I found little bits of it everywhere. Everywhere. Not a single orifice or body cavity was spared. That's right, I said orifice.

The following photographs are from Thursday night when I got my drink on with my friends (well, my sexy siblings and future sister-in-law...keeping it in the family). Pregamers at my house were ultra-fun, and I got happily sloppily drunk on vodka cranberries and smoked outside, but then I had a massive fight with a certain someone (the biggest fight we have ever had) as soon as we arrived in the city, so my night was unfortunately cut kind of short. I even drunkenly ran out onto the road and nearly got hit by a car! What a dickhead.

Anyway. We made up, didn't break up, had a happy time at the coast and now I am sitting here with my little dog on my lap (I think she missed her mama), eating some yoghurt and contemplating the mountain of homework I have due in the next week. Oh noes!

come as you are

Hey hoes and bros,

I have a day off today, so naturally instead of studying I have spent the morning trying on clothes, playing with my dog, having a leisurely shower (cleansing and exfoliating today!), eating breakfast (baked eggs with chorizo sausage), drinking delicious mocha in a cafe with my friendsies, and browsing through various items in the music store. Awesome.

I have no discipline whatsoever.

I purchased this dress at the music store today- it's from the 90's, and I reckon it's actually pretty sick.

Now I am going to drive to my parents' house and pick up a rusty old bicycle that I plan to polish up like new. And maybe eat some more. Have a good afternoon everyone!

imagine none of this is real

Hi fellow bloggers,

I do apologise as this is only going to be a short blog entry, as I am awaiting the arrival of my man friend, and when he comes we will be too busy eating ice cream and watching "The Sopranos" to even think about anything else.

Lately I have been super busy, what with school, and working in the bar, and walking my dog, and drinking strawberry protein shakes and such. All is going well in my world so far, almost too well. I was just thinking how lucky I feel the other day!
I have the best man friend in the whole world, the cutest dog in the world (and her ringworm has nearly cleared up, so I won't have to rub cream into her scabby ear anymore, and I can, like, put her in my handbag and shit), I get to play with fluffy rabbits and guinea pigs for class, and my living situation at the moment is awesome.

And also I purchased some new boots that I am a bit in love with. I have resorted to op-shopping for clothing now, and I look a bit homeless and unkempt because I am super poor...had no food for almost a week, and was happily eating this pumpkin and cashew dip out of the fridge, and then I peeled back the remainder of the foil and found a thick layer of bright blue mould. That's when you know you're poor. But you know what? I'm rocking the homeless look like nobody's business!

I will leave you with some quick photographs of my hairy child and my equally hairy brother. And me. And my new boots. Oh hi, boots! Nice of you to say hello!

Apologies for lack of fancypants editing on the photographs. There is ice cream to be had.

like it's her birthday

Hello pretties,

I am just hanging out at home with my hyperactive chihuahua Toto and my supercool third-degree sunburn (only on my legs! What the hell?). Why didn't anyone tell me that sunburn behind the knees is so painful? I might have thought twice about wearing my shorty-shorts on a farm excursion.

So right now I'm limping around, am going to make some lunch and a cup of chamomile tea, have a read  of my Biology textbook.

What I really want to do is put a little dress on, put on my new boots and get down and dirty. I mean, it is agony even to bend my knees right now but I'm sure a couple of vodka Redbulls would dull the pain. And dancing. Maybe I will bribe some friends to come out with me and get loose.

Moodwise, I feel pretty happy today. It's really nice and sunny, I'm seeing my man friend tonight (and we have just booked a holiday for Fiji in June, which I am looking forward to), wearing my zebra-print jumpsuit, and am going to put bright orange pieces through my hair- slightly immature, I know, but I don't really give a shit.

My camera is being so blurry and I have completely forgotten how to focus because I haven't used it in so long. I guess I will have to polish up my skillz.

Anyway, catch you later. I'm going to go chicken schnitzel it up for my lunch.

sleeping is giving in so lift those heavy eyelids

Hi everyone,

So I have been a total nutbag lately. I can't control my moods, ye olde faithful meds don't appear to be working, and I am having crazy-ass nightmares (if I can get to sleep at all). But you know what? I am just going to pretend that I'm not going nuts and get on with it. No point dwelling, hey champs?

I have been having all sorts of fun lately, interdispersed with a lot of hard work.
The good: going out dancing and having beer fights with my friends, playing with rabbits and guinea pigs for my classes at school, going for long walks with my brand new puppy, hanging with my boyfriend,  listening to music, watching "Grey's Anatomy," talking to my housemates, dressing up and getting loose.
The bad: cleaning up after my toilet-challenged dog, crying at the drop of a hat, losing my keys, crying because I lost my keys.
The ugly: working a totally exhausting bar job and coming home cranky. Also rubbing ointment into my dog's scabby ringwormed-up ear. Totally gross.

The picture below depicts Toto, also featuring me wearing trackpants and dirty unbrushed hair. Toto enjoys romantic candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, jazz music, and crapping on the floor. We have a surprising amount in common.

like a roll of thunder chasing the wind

Hello there,

Today I had a quiet day; I baked banana muffins and made some fresh coffee with my little sister, whose photographic skills I have enlisted to bring you a (somewhat narcissistic, but current) photo of me, as it has been a while and I wanted to bring this shit up to date. Besides, she's only fourteen and really talented- expect more of her stuff to crop up on this blog, if all goes well. It's crazy- when I was fourteen I was wasting energy punching walls and sulking in my faux-fur beanbag. This girl has smarts.

Lately I have been loving spending way too much time with someone who makes my world turn (he doesn't know it though), Sunday drinks at small bars with friends, listening to acoustic pub music, reading magazines, going to cocktail bars with candles.

It has been a quiet week, as I succumbed to an illness which involved a lot of sweating and body temperatures that weren't in sync with my outside environment. Eventually I went along to the doctor, an experience which I hate, who stuck a thermometer in my ear and printed out a medical certificate. Thanks, doc. I surely will indulge in some bed rest and lots of fluids.

So I attended an information session for my Animal Technology Diploma that I plan on doing next year, and it was quite interesting. The employment prospects at the end of the two years are primarily research-based, but it looks like there are some interesting parts of the course I can get excited about (in the second year, they let you breed your own rat babies, and then raise said babies- I didn't have the guts to ask what they do with them at the end of the experiment though. Mine would be smuggled out for a nice rat vacation if it were anything bad though).

I feel like my life is going to change soon. Although I always say that at the end of the year.

Talk to you later.

i don't need swine flu to be a sick pig

Hey ladies and gentlemen,

Now I know that it has been a really long time since I last blogged (or for that matter, picked up my laptop).

My life has had a couple of strange twists and turns, I may or may not have had a small meltdown, but it looks like everything is on track at the moment which leaves me free to reclaim my creative outlet. I realised that I need to take more photographs, look at more blogs, get some inspiration back. Everything has been so flat lately. Pleasantly flat for the most part, but still flat nonetheless.

I bombed out of university (how many leave-of-absences can one take before the university realises that you're just not that into it anymore?). This was quite damaging to my self-image, but I have divised a strategy to gently steer over this failure; I have applied to enrol to complete a diploma in Animal Technology for 2011, which means that I could work with animals. I love animals. It's a two-year course full-time, so I would be able to take a break from the routine of working full-time.

I am smitten with someone who I have been seeing for a good couple of months now. I am playing it very cool, but I adore him. I don't know if he knows it. I hope not. I sleep there a lot.

I am still living in the apartment with the two female flatmates. Highs and lows.

I seem to have lost a lot of my mojo lately, creativity-wise. So here I am, back again, who knows for how long, but it's something to hold on to.

When did blogging become such a massive crutch for us?

Talk to you soon, bitches. I am going to pop some sleeping medicine and rap along to Eminem's "Recovery" album until I fall asleep with my head full of obscene themes and lyrics ready to leak into my subconscious. Awesome.

i'm letting go of all i've held onto

Hey babes,

I have found some flatmates and an apartment to move into this week!

It will be the third time I have moved out of home and I'm only twenty years old- you have to admire my resilience. I saw the advertisement for this place on the classifieds and sent the girl an email, we got some juice, and I have to pack up my bedroom tomorrow. Everything happens so fast. These girls seem really fun and slightly loco, so I have a feeling that it will be a bit of a party pad. Suits me just fine. The apartment is wonderful, even though I have the small bedroom again. Lucky I'm a minimalist.

So, goodbye again, family home. I might be back if this doesn't work out. But I hope it does, if only for the sake of my pride. The blog might be a little quiet this week due to uprooting yet again, but  promise I'll be back with updates as soon as it is practical.

Also...I wouldn't normally blog about this because it's personal, but I broke someone's heart today and feel so sad about it. I am the worst person on Earth, but sometimes things just don't feel the way you think they should feel, and that's when you have to change the situation. I'm trying to be positive but it's hard right now. Can everyone please throw a bit of excess love out into the universe for this person, if you have any spare? He is lovely...just not perfect for me.

we sure are cute for two ugly people

Hey babies,

So I didn't get the garden flat. SAD TIMES!! as it was really cute and almost perfect for me, but I have been forced to hold my chin up in this situation and soldier on, as neither my colleagues, family or friends will tolerate my complaining. I emailed some girls renting out a share flat and I'm meeting them tomorrow, so hopefully they will turn out to be completely awesome and we will fall in deep flatmate-love and I will have somewhere to live.

Tonight I am heading out to my favourite pub in the city as I have important secret business to attend to (this secret business has absolutely nothing to do with this blog, so I really don't know why I am censoring myself). As it is an important...thing, I will be wearing my skin-tight fondly nicknamed "Lady Gaga" dress (unfortunately people in my town aren't very experimental with fashion, so anything variating from a singlet and jeans is both shocking and offensive to the majority of the population). It is grey and black with shoulder pads, panels on the torso and a zipper down the front somewhat like a wetsuit. I will be teaming this with black liquid-look leggings. I may or may not stand out in the beer garden.

In other news, I attended another awesome house party that lasted three days (with the same crew as last time). We trashed the place, and then had to grumpily clean it up after. As there were hunger-inducing substances involved, naturally we ate our way through enough food to create two garbage bags-full of rubbish. And naturally, I jumped into someone's backyard pool, in my underwear, in the first few days of a freezing Canberra winter. Hello hypothermia! I stayed in there for a good fifteen minutes, convinced my buddies that it was a good idea, and spent the rest of the night swathed in other people's hooded jumpers, track pants and beanies. I left my clothes outside in the rain overnight. Epic fail.

These photographs from the Fully Sick House Party are all shitty because they're from someone's iPhone. I just always worry that my expensive camera with get trodden on, stolen, burnt or thrown in a pool. I don't really know if you guys are interested in photographs of my parties and stuff that aren't really "good" photos, but I like to have them here as a record for myself. So yeah- suck on the crapness!

standing in the way of control

Hey friends and lovers and internet paedophiles (I'm too old now, suckers!),

Overall, I think I like the way 2010 has launched itself for me. I hope everyone else is feeling good about it too. I mean, there are good parts and bad parts of course, but I have developed a better attitude about it all.

I find out whether I get my little granny flat tomorrow (I would be the best tenant they ever had!). And I have a dinner date with someone adorable and lovely to look forward to, who just called me "pretty girl" in a text message. And I passed reverse parallel parking in my driving lessons!

So see, really, things are okay. The vodka helps. And black nail polish. And sugar free Red Bull. And nice people to kiss. And friends that you can call up whenever you feel like it, who will give you good advice without judgement. And sparkly shoes. And tofu pumpkin pie in the fridge.

Over and out. Sorry about the weird entry, I am about to collapse from exhaustion, and I'm on a different computer because my lovely grandparents are staying in my bedroom. So, yeah. Bruised legs and feet below for your viewing pleasure!

i really miss what really did exist when i held your throat so tight

Hey y'all,

Sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. I have a lot on my plate right now. And also, I've just been super slack. And our internet went over its download limit, and we couldn't have internet for eight days, but I am using it now, and I'm not actually sure if the eight days is over yet. Oh well. Excuse time over! OVA!

Things that have been going down:

(1) A potential new place to call home. I have inspected the property, I liked it, they liked me, and now they just have to check out references and compare me to other potential tenants. I will know for sure whether I'm in on Wednesday. Fingers crossed for me. It is a tiny little garden flat in someone's backyard for a ludicrous price, but I have decided that I want to live alone. And so it will be my own little (emphasis on "little") bachelor pad, and I can get silly on wine and watch "Sex And The City" in my underwear without being judged. And then maybe fall over, crack my head on the kitchen counter and slowly bleed to death until somebody finds my decaying body a week later, because I will have no housemate to find me prior to that.

(2) I have met someone new, who I think is quite nice. My love life has been a little all over the place lately, and as a result I have come out kind of sketchy and weird, but I think this could be good. I will say more when I know more. What I will say is that we sneaked a bottle of wine into a cinema and got progressively drunk in public watching "Kick-Ass" together, which was amazing. Even more so when there were two of every character.

(3) The weirdest but simultaneously most awesome house party that I have ever been to. There was a DJ, strobe lights and an awesome sound system. They were filming some kind of anti-drug advertisement, so we were kind of encouraged to get super trashed (they supplied an icy bathtub full of alcohol) and dance like crazy. But also we were being directed, so this guy was like "DANCE! You're on ECSTASY!" and we all had to jump and shit. Really surreal. And there were people having sex in the bathroom, and passed out in the lounge room, and running around outside in a park. A couple of us ended up on the floor tripping out, watching the strobe lights through our fingers to the sweet strains of "Kids" by MGMT. Blew my mind.

(4) No university work whatsoever. I feel bad for neglecting it, but my new job is extremely stressful and when I get home I just want to go to bed straight away, or go out and see my friends and just forget it all. I really need to do something, but dusting off the textbook and starting to read is the hardest step.

mad as hell and usually drunk but i love her like no other

 Hello darlings,

We have made it to Friday! High fives all round! I am feeling so good right now. My mood goes up and down like a rollercoaster but I really do adore the highs. Lately my life consists of working a lot of overtime in my insurance job (it's dark in the morning when I arrive and it's dark when I leave in the evening!), partying as much as I humanly can, hanging at my twin brother's slightly grimy share house, reading a lot of fashion magazines, not doing much of my university reading, drinking a lot of green tea and taking eight vitamin pills a day just to stay alive.

In other frivolous news, I have also been enjoying playing around painting my nails (at the moment they are a pale shell pink), wearing extremely smudgy eyeliner on purpose, teasing my hair, baking with my Mum on the weekends, eating healthily (lots of vegetables, water, plain yoghurt, fruit and bran) and wearing thick woolly legwarmers with my tight office dresses and heels. My shins get cold, alright?

Tonight I am heading out with my male buddies exclusively, as I have become their wing woman of sorts. I won't complain because they are super fun company, I can be as crude as I like, and they happily share their clothes/illicit substances/food/alcohol/advice/jokes. They are picking me up in about an hour- for now I'm listening to old "Kings of Leon" songs that bring back bad ass memories and gnawing on a piece of Parmesan cheese. It's going to be a good night.

Here are some photographs from a couple of nights ago. What's up, abnormally large naked gap between my eyebrows in the last picture? How you doin'?

you should be honoured by my lateness

So, the thing that I alluded to in the previous blog entry turned out to be an epic fail! But it's okay because it is Easter, and with Easter comes a long chilled-out weekend: awesome. Things that I did today:

(1) Chewed the ears off the large chocolate bunny which I found this morning sitting on my television, staring at me as I slept. Mildly creepy, but I have rendered it pretty harmless now. Also food-related, I made some delicious bran muffins and ate them for breakfast with Greek yoghurt and honey. And then my Mum made some coffee with the little machine, and it was really strong and bitter and nice.

(2) Went to the Farmer's Market and picked up twelve onion bagels! SCORE! I go to the food market every Sunday, even if I've been out until 5am the night before.

(3) Woke up at 3am with a shock to my mobile phone loudly ringing right next to my head, and had a conversation with someone who I think is an asshole but also keeps me amused. Seriously, who calls someone at that heinous time two nights in a row? Assholes, that's who.

(4) Used this new hair product I purchased which makes my hair really light and fluffy.

(5) Watched episodes of "30 Rock" with my little sister. It has been a very quiet long weekend for me as my best friends went on a mini man-holiday and left me behind. But sometimes it's nice to have a quiet one, and go shopping with your Mum, and buy some new shoes, and watch DVD's, and bake stuff in the kitchen. Hope everyone else is having a nice Easter. Just don't make yourself sick on chocolate like I always do.

do you want to have a slumber party in my basement

Hello sweet bloggers,

It appears that I am back on the happy wagon, at least temporarily. This is directly related to the fact that I took a risk on the weekend, and asked out someone who I have fancied for a while now. I don't quite know the outcome of my risk-taking yet (as there are some factors influencing the decision, it's kind of weird, maybe best not to ask), but I feel good that I tried. In fact, it probably won't work out. Fingers crossed, because this person is lovely and gorgeous. But I will be okay whatever happens.

Even if sometimes the things I do just end with me falling on my face, I figure that at least I won't have regrets for the things that I didn't try. Also, I will have a big bank of funny stuff for when I have kiddies, and I can tell them stories, and they will think that I am just as awesome as they originally suspected based on my chic but interesting dress sense and quick wit.

So. This good mood may or may not last very long depending on a certain someone, but for now I'm running around the house with bare feet, feeling too jumpy to eat anything substantial, and will laugh at anything. I am high on life. And in light of my special mood, I even painted my nails a sweet glittery eggshell colour, and took a photograph of them for you.

How lovely.

my best judgement signed its resignation

Good morning bloggers, or afternoon, although I have only been awake for an hour,

It was Friday night last night, a night of celebrations and forgetting that I have to crawl back into the office in a couple of days time. As per usual I went out dancing with friends and it was a lot of fun. We did shots at the bar, I wore ridiculously high stillettos with heels as thin as pins (I nearly broke my ankle about six times last night), we tore up the dance floor, we walked around, and I somewhat reconciled things with the previously mentioned bouncer at the pub (even helping with pub security by wriggling into the little guard platform to stand next to him. I'm so annoying).

I woke up this morning bleary eyed and dry-mouthed, with two of my stinky male friends plus my twin brother in his less than hygienic bedroom (I'm talking empty tuna cans, and tobacco trodden into the carpet), but at least I had a place to stay. I have been known to stay out until the buses start running again in the morning to avoid the ludicrous cab fare back to my house.

The picture below depicts me, taken about five minutes ago. Behind me, stuck to the wall, is a piece of paper with all my uni readings on it. I am approximately five weeks behind on this schedule. I have approximately seven hours until I have to dress up, get out to the city and repeat last night all over again. The race is on. Wish me luck.

gravitating towards a taste

I am exhausted and sick, again! This blog is becoming nothing more than a list of my various symptoms and illnesses, which is not exactly what I envisioned when I launched a blog. Sorry everyone! I'll pipe down about my need for sleep, the sudden clogging of my nostrils and perpetual dopey state due to a cloudy head. Too many cold and flu tablets perhaps?

I spent Tuesday night happily at dinner with some male companions (again at the favourite restaurant), had some tofu ramen, then headed to my favourite Irish pub. I threw back some vodka sodas, carelessly disregarding the telltale signs of an impending viral infection, and we went driving for a little while, and I landed myself in bed. The next morning I awoke, stumbled to the shower, got dressed, and decided somewhere between eating my morning bagel and taking my daily vitamins that I would not be going to work that day. So I went back to bed and slept, all day long.

I trudged to work today, and no-one wanted to come near me in case I was contagious, and then I came home and had a fight with my parents (I got a tad overly emotional and upset due to lack of sleep and general lack of wellbeing), and now I'm here, fuming and slightly sick to my stomach, in front of ye olde laptop.

Apologies for "nothing" entry and arrogant look in photographs. I think that's just how my face rolls.

she'll bartend your party

Things were good for a little while and now they have become decidedly mediocre again. I hate it when things become ordinary, as opposed to exciting and hopeful. My coping strategies when things don't go how I planned is:

(1) Eat something small that I enjoy. Too much or too unhealthy just means that I panic about nutritional value, but just enough can take the edge off a bad day. Usually I resort to a glass of Milo with skim milk, or I like to have these little crackers with goats cheese on them, or just then I made a bit of porridge with sliced banana and rice milk. Or, you know, getting massively drunk and doing something embarrassing. Like how I semi hit on the (shall we say) slightly older bouncer at my favourite pub on the weekend, and now I can never return. Ever. Sorry, friends. I know it was our favourite haunt since we reached the legal drinking age, but we'll have to find somewhere else now!

(2) Read a lot of celebrity magazines and look at pictures on the internet to try and project myself away from my current situation and feelings. I am obsessed with magazines (voyeuristic tendencies here...perhaps that is why I have turned to blogging?) and can hunch over the kitchen table and read for hours.

(3) Watch my favourite DVD series for hours, again with the escapism. When I broke up with my ex-boyfriend who I loved very much for two whole years (I think his photograph is still up on this blog somewhere?), I shut myself away in my room and watched episode after episode of "Friends" for three whole days, trying to make myself feel as though everything would be okay in the end. And it was.

(4) Read a book. Right now I am re-reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides, and that is about a hermaphrodite who is trying to cope in a world that is really not very open-minded about owning two sets of genitalia simultaneously. So you see, when I am absorbed in this story, my issues pale in comparison!

(5) Wear geek glasses and cuddle a toy unicorn on my giant futon, which incidentally happens to be a convenient segue into these photographs that my little sister Fern took for the blog! She's only thirteen and wicked cool, obviously...when I was thirteen I was still wearing denim-on-denim, and not in an ironic way. And, um, that last picture is just actually me looking really geeky. My teeth are slightly too large for my mouth...I made her laugh by doing lewd things to the unicorn, and then her laughing made me laugh. My bad.